So my friend T and I were SO convinced when we were in high school that we had the BEST ideas for t-shirts and that we would someday become wealthy by selling our highly ironic t-shirts. Our favorite (only?) idea was one that said "Quebec...quois?" It was supposed to be an impression of a snooty French person turning up their nose at Quebecois. Yeah. Not as funny as I remember.
Anyway, I have come up with a new one:
Lupus is like a drunk bastard who carries a big stick.
This is because lupus a) stinks, b) is very unpredictable and c) is wont to hit you over the head and cause you great distress. Just like a stinky drunk bastard might do if wandering the streets carrying a big stick! "Whomp whomp whomp"
Post-edit: T says I should send my immune system to the Betty Ford clinic. Ah, he can still make me laugh!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
Meow. (In defense of cats)
I think that having a cat is a little bit like having a baby. Now, I'm not actually comparing raising a cat to raising a human being. That would be like comparing building a bookend with building Grand Central Station. Obviously it's not the same. But consider the following parallels:
a) Cuteness: Both cats and children are very cute. And their cuteness is in an inverse relationship to their age. Now, I love both children and cats of all ages, and thus think they are pretty much all cute, at all times (except when they puke). But even the most cynical cat/child-despising person will probably admit that there is something undeniably adorable about newborn babies and teeny kittens.
b) Warmth. Try this experiment: next time you are cold, find a baby (or a cat), and hold it (preferably a full on snuggle). Now, are you still cold? Then you must have a heart of stone.
c) Poop Duty: I don't really need to explain this one, beyond this observation: were it not for (a) and (b), our willingness to perform (c) would be greatly diminished for both children and cats.
d) Inexplicable Need To Follow You From Room To Room (Which Can Be Aggravating, But Secretly Makes You Feel Special): Obviously I don't have children, but I can imagine that the little "Aw, I'm her favorite Humanoid, because she follows me everywhere! (Or because I feed her, but let's pretend it's because she loves me!" feeling I get from my cat is exponentially greater for parents of humans, even when the creature following them around is dripping snot/salsa/playdough, etc. on their expensive duvet cover.
Anyway, all of this is a long way to say, I love my cat. And just as I do not judge all of you mothers by the Kate Gosselins and Nadya Sulemans of the world, please do not judge me by the 99 cat cat ladies of the world. Some of us are just normal people, who happen to love their furry little bookends.
a) Cuteness: Both cats and children are very cute. And their cuteness is in an inverse relationship to their age. Now, I love both children and cats of all ages, and thus think they are pretty much all cute, at all times (except when they puke). But even the most cynical cat/child-despising person will probably admit that there is something undeniably adorable about newborn babies and teeny kittens.
b) Warmth. Try this experiment: next time you are cold, find a baby (or a cat), and hold it (preferably a full on snuggle). Now, are you still cold? Then you must have a heart of stone.
c) Poop Duty: I don't really need to explain this one, beyond this observation: were it not for (a) and (b), our willingness to perform (c) would be greatly diminished for both children and cats.
d) Inexplicable Need To Follow You From Room To Room (Which Can Be Aggravating, But Secretly Makes You Feel Special): Obviously I don't have children, but I can imagine that the little "Aw, I'm her favorite Humanoid, because she follows me everywhere! (Or because I feed her, but let's pretend it's because she loves me!" feeling I get from my cat is exponentially greater for parents of humans, even when the creature following them around is dripping snot/salsa/playdough, etc. on their expensive duvet cover.
Anyway, all of this is a long way to say, I love my cat. And just as I do not judge all of you mothers by the Kate Gosselins and Nadya Sulemans of the world, please do not judge me by the 99 cat cat ladies of the world. Some of us are just normal people, who happen to love their furry little bookends.
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