Me 2.0

New decade, new year, time for a new Version.

Same great features you love, new updates to make life better.

Includes:

• More and better baked goods
• Yoga and water aerobics apps
  
• Increased laughter functionality
• Musical features, including live performances (in the shower)
  
• Bonus package of fuzzy socks and pedicures

Removes and fixes previous versions

• Jerk/tool firewall with increased "cheater" blocking ability
• "Blinders" app for Boston driving
• Improved immune system function, now with Vitamin C boosters

All for the low, low price of only $0.00!

Get it today!

2010 SOTU OMG! ISEINGB

If you're not all "up" on the "internets" you might not understand my UeberHip teenager speak.

Translated: 2010 State of the Union! Oh my gosh! I'm so excited it's not George Bush!

Check back later for my IN-DEPTH analysis.

My First Husband

Oh, Conan. How I will miss having you on t.v.! I was so excited when you moved to 11:30, because that meant I was more likely to be awake to watch you.

Watching your last show was much more devastating than the time you got married (which was a hard day, I tell you), because at least then I could still watch you on t.v.!

Now, while I may sound like a stalker, it's not true. I am simply a fan. A fan who also maybe considers you her first husband. And a fan who once accidentally told her (ex) boyfriend he looked like Conan O'Brien, but with a bigger nose. He didn't like that, but hey, he's my ex, so I can tell you now. His resemblance to you was, in the end, one of his only redeeming qualities.

Goodbye, Conan! I hope you are back on t.v. soon. And until then I will continue to studiously avoid watching AARP Republican Chin Man.

Leap Year (It Isn't)

So I finally went to see a romantic comedy in Boston. After almost 3 years of living here, I've made a friend whose tastes in entertainment are as decidedly non-academic, uncritical and well, fine, kind of BAD as mine. I freely admit that I don't want to be challenged by movies. Books, definitely; music, yes; art, sure; fine, even documentaries (I've been known to enjoy them). But movies? No. I don't want to think about strife, or genocide, or violence of any kind really. I don't want to weep. I don't want to feel yuppie guilt. I just want to laugh. And look at pretty pictures. And pretty people.

And when there are pretty people in gorgeous foreign countries I would like to visit (Ireland), falling in impossibly silly romantical love, interspersed with lots of physical humor (falling mud, always a winner) and "soaring vistas of green," I'm IN. Totally in.

So, if that's what you're looking for, I recommend Leap Year. It will not challenge you, but you will definitely laugh. And wish you were in Ireland. With a hot man.

The end.

Things I Want to Do Before I Leave the East Coast

• Buy a live lobster at Haymarket and cook it. Ditto on oysters. Ditto on clams.
• Go skiing in Vermont.
• Take a ferry to Cape Cod.
• Take in another Red Sox game (preferably with above-zero temperatures this time).
• Walk the Freedom Trail.
• Visit the MIA again and spend the day there.
• Go to the North End for cannoli (again... and again... and again...)
• Go to the JFK museum/presidential library.
• Take a trip to Bangor.
• Hike Mt. Washington.

I better stop there, or I'm going to run myself completely ragged between now and May! I think I'll start with a trip for cannoli today. If anyone would like to visit me in Boston and help me check items off the list, you're DEFINITELY welcome! I have an air mattress!