Hold the Phone!!

Sorry, meager audience, I REALLY didn't mean to come off ridiculously dramatic and stressed out - but I do appreciate the words of encouragement. I'm feeling MUCH better, and have gotten a moderate amount of stuff done, even. And after watching my classmates fall down (not even exaggerating) at law prom last night, the curve isn't looking so bad either. (Note: I realize that sounds callous and mean, but seriously, when was the last time you saw 450 people in their mid-twenties - ADULTS - get so drunk they were unable to walk, talk or refrain from mega-inappropriate groping?) Call me old (or old-fashioned), but if I go to all the trouble to shave my legs and wear a dress, and the dean of my law school is there, I'm going to go ahead and refrain from drinking myself to the point of oblivion before 10 p.m.

I kid you not folks; there was bathroom-crying, evil stinkeye of death between romantic rivals, someone drunk danced into the D.J. (though she was so bad she almost deserved it - I didn't realize Cotton-Eye Joe had become an 'old standby'), at least three people were kicked out for being overly smashed (including one who fell to the floor while attempting to convince security she was NOT -- this was her third time being evicted, too).

On a less alcoholic note, I did my taxes today, and would like to send a big shout out to the Lifetime Learning Credit. Despite having not actually PAID any of my tuition (I'm mortgaging my soul for the privilege of law school, so it's all loans), since I'll be paying it eventually, it counts as an exemption. I ended up spending a grand total of $7 on federal taxes this year! Does that mean I can't complain about how my taxes were spent? West Virginia is stingier, taking a whopping $371, but I still ended up with a nice little refund (a tank of gas or two?). And let's not forget that "stimulus" payment. I actually feel conflicted about it, since it seems like a stupid way to prop up the economy (consensus among friends is that it will be used to pay down credit cards and saved for gas), but I can't really turn my nose up at $300 right now either! Maybe I'll give it to Barack Obama!

Noticing a Trend

So, I was reading my posts from last semester, and noticed how they became frequent, kind of manic, and very nonsensical as the semester wore on. I'm feeling about the same right now, kind of like I'm standing at the top of a cliff, trying as hard as I can to convince myself that diving off is a good idea. Once I jump off, there's no real stopping, and I'll start going faster and faster until I finally hit. That sounds overly dramatic, and believe me, I know there are very real things going on that are leap years more important, serious, and life-changing than law school finals. Those are the things that make it scary to make the leap, because bills tend to be paid late, laundry doesn't get done, phone calls go unreturned, and it is all I can do to feed my cat, let alone myself. It makes me worry that I won't be able to function as a lawyer (unless I get a househusband or at least a housekeeper) if it's anything like this time of year.

So, instead of jumping, I'm standing at the top, wavering (and wasting a lot of precious time). Part of me is also really nervous about living up to last semester (I don't think it's possible that I'll do that well again across the board, and that makes me scared to try!). I have never experienced such crippling procrastination, denial or self-destructive (academically speaking) behavior! I've been ignoring my work, just kind of writing endless to do lists (see my last post), and getting overwhelmed by everything.

I've always been a procrastinator in the past, but I've always gotten everything I needed to get done done. There was never a questions of letting some of the less important things slide off the list. Just not finishing things is sort of not in my personality. But, I can't seem to help it! I'm basically doing the bare minimum that is required, graded, counts. Otherwise, I'm watching American Idol, and sleeping in.

And yet, everyone around me seems to be in the same position. People are skipping class, having (real) breakdowns, drinking too much and generally falling apart at the seams. I have never seen more sweatpants in my class than this week. I keep hearing people say "If no one is doing any work, then maybe the curve won't be bad."

Again, sorry for the overly dramatic tone of this post, it's just sort of an anthropological mystery to me - how much can we take? How soon before someone starts crying in class (I KNOW it's coming), screaming at the coffee barista who sings happy songs every morning (I love her), or tosses a laptop out the window? Why are we all doing this to ourselves? Why are we paying $150,000 for the privilege? Can you actually fail out of law school? Why didn't I become a kindergarten teacher, live in a cottage, have a garden, bake cookies and spend the summers writing happy books for children about rainbows and sparkles and leprechauns?

To Do Lists as Procrastination Tools

To Do:

Make to do list for finals

Make do do list for move to MPLS

Make to do list for subletting

Make to do list for all upcoming birthdays/holidays/anniversaries

Make to do list for wardrobe for August interviewing season

Make to do list for possible transfer

Make to do list for firm research to do before August interviewing season

Done:

Nothing.

Continued.

Things the law school needs to install for 24-hour service:

• Libraries (seriously, we had 24-hour study space in undergrad, and I never appreciated it)
• Therapists (when I said before that people were stressed, I hadn't yet realized the extent to which law school can damage a fragile psyche [not mine, don't worry - yet])
• Fruit juice machines (to replace the sodas; I am hoping I can explain our behavior by blaming it on scurvy)
• Treadmills (took a walk in the woods with Little Brother the other day and was amazed and horrified that it had been so long since I had seen the sun and touched a tree)
• Law School Dating Service (I think they should have an inter law school Match.com - I mean, if we're going to have law PROM, why not?)

Did I Mention Law School Is Like High School?

It really is. Except, I don't remember there being this much hormonal drama, scandals, infighting and backstabbing. It's amazing how ridiculous an ostensibly reasonably intelligent group of people who are all over the age of 18 (actually 21, I think) can become.

I would like to blame it on the stress, or possibly the overexposure to each other (every class, every day, for 9 months, with the same 86 people), but really, there's no good excuse.

You might be wondering what I'm talking about, especially if you're living a normal, non-law school based life. I will give you an example:

There is a guy in my class who loves sports (more than I love chocolate), and he was discussing something about basketball with a mutual friend of ours, who jokingly accused him of being a "bandwagon jumper." Now, I know I don't qualify as a sports fanatic (HPC - help me out here!), but this doesn't seem like the biggest deal in the world. Instead of laughing it off, he took it as a deep and personal insult to his sports fanitude and manhood. Now, days later, the drama continues to fester, creating factions of those supporting the mad sports fan and those supporting the jokester. I personally am being shunned by the mad sports fan for laughing hysterically when he told me why he was "in a fight" with the jokester (yes, I suppose this was rude, given his deep hurt over the comment, but I didn't realize it was actually bothering him - I thought he was joking!).

I give up. I have no idea how to deal with these people!

I just hope I don't get called a bandwagon jumper if I jump on the "get me the heck out of law school as fast as possible" bandwagon.

Belated St. Patrick's Day Greetings!

It was a fun, crazy weekend, with L* in town for her spring break from Schmolumbia and Little Brother and LB's girlfriend ALSO here for theirs. We wandered around in Chinatown and had some Vietnamese food (yeah, I thought there was a conflict there, but apparently not in Boston), looked at Paul Revere's grave and the Make Way for Ducklings (I'm a terrible tour guide, but I can reliably find those two things, so everyone who visits me gets to see them), and ate copious amounts of pastries from my new favorite "European Style" bakery. Continuing with the food theme, L* and I undertook a project to get corned beef and corn rye bread for her grandfather (she headed home to California today, and apparently the formerly New Yorkers can't get good kosher food in the Golden State). This involved trips to a deli for the meat, Target for a meat cooling apparatus, so as not to give her grandfather food poisoning for his birthday, and a bakery for the bread. Unfortunately, they were out of rye bread, so we instead bought bagels, and I made the Discovery of the Week: a baker's dozen day-old bagels for $3!! Of course, the fact that I don't have a freezer in which to keep said bagels, live alone, and probably can't consume half of them before they get hard as a rock doesn't mean it isn't worth it: that's the price of 1.5 bagels at the law school cafeteria - and those are boring Lender's type bagels. These are the real, crusty on the outside, mushy on the inside, not the size of your face, deal. Plus, I could always use the really old ones to feed the ducklings... Also available at said bakery: at least a dozen spreads, from lox to chives. Mmmm....

I mentioned that I was a terrible tour guide, and it's true when it comes to sites of historical importance, but I think I'm getting pretty close to food nirvana here. If anyone wants the "Eat your way through Boston" tour, which has a Jewish and European theme, supplemented with a lobster and crab theme depending on your price point, please let me know.

(7) Embarrassing Confessions, Vol. I.

For some reason, I find strange pleasure in admitting somewhat embarrassing facts about myself, a trait I feel it only right to share with you, oh internet readers. This may become a regular segment when my blogging is limited to 3 a.m. (darn Daylight Savings Time!) post-memo-writing moments.

1. I love Carrie Underwood. Yes, she sings cheesy, somewhat overwrought songs like "Jesus, Take the Wheel" and "Before He Cheats," but they're catchy and her voice is actually really impressively good in a refreshing non-synthesized way. Plus, she won American Idol, which brings me to Point 2;
2. I have turned down social engagements in order to go home and watch American Idol.
   
3. I really, truly enjoy Cheetos.
   
4. Sometimes, in order to keep myself from over-enjoying said Cheetos, I count them out into serving sized ziploc bags. Usually this doesn't work, and I just end up wasting a lot of bags.
5. I used to call a certain kind of candy 'suckers', but someone in college told me it was declasse, and I started calling them lollipops.
6. Sometimes, I watch episodes of "The Secret World of Alex Mac" on YouTube.
   
7. In 7th grade, I attended a disastrous cheerleading tryout and (obviously) didn't make the squad. I was so embarrassed that my dad took me to McDonald's for dinner and promised never to speak of it again - and in fact kept that promise!

Do YOU have any embarrassing confessions you want to make? Comment!

Ohio, Texas, I have one thing to say to you.

LE SIGH.

Can we just take this primary season out back and shoot it? Put it out of its misery? Move on the inevitable depressing loss to Karl Rove in November?